When Home Isn't Safe: How Domestic Violence Shows Up at Work

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I want to talk about a place we don't often connect with abuse: the workplace.

We tend to think of domestic violence as something that stays behind closed doors. But the people living through it still clock in every morning. They sit in meetings, answer emails, and care for patients, students, and customers, often while carrying fear no one around them can see.

What it can look like at work

Imagine a coworker whose phone buzzes nonstop during the day, and who steps out to answer every call with a tight, apologetic smile. Or the team member who keeps missing early shifts because their partner hid the car keys again. Maybe it's the employee who wears long sleeves in July, startles when someone comes up behind them, or suddenly stops joining lunch because their partner checks where they've been.

Sometimes the abusive partner even shows up at the job, calling the front desk, waiting in the parking lot, or sending messages to coworkers. Work, which should be a break from the chaos, becomes another place to be watched.

Living in survival mode affects the whole body. Concentration slips, sleep suffers, and confidence erodes. Too often, these employees get labeled as unreliable or unmotivated, when in reality they're doing everything they can just to get through the day safely.

How workplaces can help

Supporting employees doesn't require leaders to become therapists. It starts with a few intentional choices:

Lead with curiosity, not judgment. Instead of "You've been late three times this month," try "I've noticed things seem harder lately. How are you doing?" That small shift can open a door.

Make resources easy to find. Share EAP information, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and local supports regularly, not only when someone is in crisis. Put them in break rooms and restrooms, where people can read them privately.

Offer flexibility. Time for court dates, counseling, or relocating can make a real difference. New Jersey also has the SAFE Act, which provides certain protected leave for survivors of domestic violence, so it's worth making sure HR knows how it works.

Plan for safety. If an abusive partner contacts or shows up at work, staff should know what to do, whether that's screening calls, adjusting schedules, or alerting security.

Build a culture of wellbeing. When stress and mental health are openly talked about, employees are more likely to ask for help before things reach a breaking point.

A final thought

When we understand that domestic violence follows people to work, we can stop treating struggling employees as problems to manage and start seeing them as people who need support. A single compassionate leader can be the person who helps someone feel safe enough to take the next step.

At Bridging Hearts LLC, I offer bilingual (English and Spanish) virtual counseling for adults throughout New Jersey, specializing in relational trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. I accept Aetna and self-pay, and offer a free 15-minute consultation. I also bring yoga and sound workshops to organizations, focused on stress management and nervous system reset for staff. Learn more at www.bridgingheartsllc.net or reach me at bridgingheartsinfo@gmail.com.

If you or someone you know is in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.